There's a lot that can be learned about the dating scene that doesn't necessarily have to involve going out on dates. Lately, I've been going out with friends more and using the opportunity to observe human interaction and how it can be applied to dating situations.

1) Don't choose messy items off the menu - pasta (especially when wearing white), soup, and so forth.

2) Open ended questions are your best friend.

3) If you're going out to dinner and you really want to have a good conversation with someone, don't order a huge meal (or do order a huge meal, but don't eat all of it). The focus should be more on the conversation, spattered with the occasional nibble here and there. Not the other way around.

4) Try to figure out what the other person is passionate about. Great way of getting to know someone.

5) A movie is a nice low-key way to go on a date with someone you think might be an axe-murderer. You only have to chat a little bit beforehand and a little bit afterwards. You can observe what they respond to in the movie (what they laugh at, what they cry at, etc.) without actually having to talk too much with them.

6) I need to become more comfortable with small talk. Though I've discovered that small talk, unfortunately, requires having an ego and being opinionated. Necessary evils, I suppose.

7) I don't believe in instant chemistry. Two people (both men) have told me that such a creature exists, and yet, I don't believe it exists (it's never happened to me, at least). For both of them, they were able to tell over the course of one date (within 10 minutes, for one of them), that they were attracted to a certain person.

The thing is, there's no way you could possibly understand someone's true heart and their soul over the course of one dinner, or over a 10 minute conversation. At best, what you get is only the superficial, surface layer of how they look, what they do for a living, some of their likes and dislikes, and so forth.

Also consider that people on a date are trying to make an impression - they're putting their best foot forward while trying to keep their flaws in the closet for as long as possible. Many women, for example, wear makeup. Why? To emphasize the features they think look attractive in order to de-emphasize or even hide those flaws they find unattractive. (This, btw, is why I don't wear makeup. I've worn it twice in the last two years.)

Finally, people change. They grow. They mature. Their interests and their foci in life change. Making a commitment to someone based on where they were at only one specific point in time does nothing to honor the person they will grow into being over the course of their lifetime.

Both of these guys have said the "click", the "chemistry", the "attraction" is how they choose who to go on a date with (or on future dates). In the process of dating someone, they get to know the other person better and determine whether or not to take the relationship to a more serious level.

I disagree with that.

My philosophy is to become friends with someone first. Keep it casual. Go out and do activities that are mutually enjoyable, of course, but not as a date...not romantic in any sense. That's how you get to know someone's true heart, because people are more real with their friends than they would be with someone they're dating. Then, as you've gotten to know a person - both their strengths and their flaws - then you can make a more informed determination of whether or not they're suitable for a romantic partnership.

I think that if you fall in love with someone based on chemistry, attraction, and superficialities alone, you're just asking for trouble. The person you think you fell for will eventually stop trying to put on their best face for you. That's when the reality starts setting in. And that's when people start saying, "But when we were first dating, everything was so much better." Only now they're finally getting to see the real person for who they are, warts and all. Suddenly the person wants their partner to change back to the way they used to be when they were pretending to be something else. With it likely happening both ways, now both partners are trying to get the other person to change into something they're not. It's no wonder, then, that the divorce rate in this country is so high.

So, what do I take away from this line of thinking? Well, first and foremost, keep it real. There's no sense in pretending to be something that I'm not. Granted, I'm always striving for growth - I'm not going to settle for being as quiet in conversation as I used to be. But that growth is on my terms, and my terms alone. If I feel like being quiet or solitary (one of my flaws that I'm trying to invite more growth in), that's still perfectly fine.

Honesty is tied in with that. I'm not going to hand over a laundry list of every single one of my flaws at the very start of the date, but I'm also not going to cover up those flaws that equally make me who I am. Depending on the flaw, those flaws can have corresponding strengths to them as well.

For example, the person I'm currently attracted to has certain flaws that, in other people, would be serious turn-offs. But I also have a fair sense of where his true heart is - I know that his flaws aren't born of malice or laziness as they often are in others. Those flaws are the natural result of his strengths. For example, we don't get to spend as much time together as I would like because he's very busy. But when we do spend time together, we both make the most of the time we have when we can. He's busy in part because he has a lot of friends, and he equally gives as much of himself to each of his connections. I can't horde his time or his energy because that would be unfair to his other friends, who just as equally need his influence in their lives as I do. When he can't spend time with me, or he has to cancel on me, he's always good about honoring his word and making it up to me in a timely fashion. That's just how he naturally is. Consequently, even though the same flaw in other people of being less available than desirable would be difficult for me to deal with, I actually love this particular person *because* of the relationship between those flaws and strengths.

I wouldn't have come to learn that had we not been friends first.

When I mentioned my whole "friendship" approach to one of my friends last night (who, btw, currently has four girlfriends - and none of them know about all of the others, though some know about one or two of the others) he nearly choked on his dinner. He called it a phenomenal waste of time and energy to try and be friends with someone before you date them. He thought I was being unrealistic, that I wanted to find "the perfect guy" without putting in the effort to casually date tons of tons of other guys. He described his philosophy as finding a diamond in the rough -- you have to go through a *lot* of "rough" before you get to that diamond.

The thing is, he goes through so many women that I cannot believe for one minute that he truly knows any of them. He goes through them so quickly (save for one who he might be thinking about being serious about...who just happens to be one of the four girlfriends, btw) that there's no way he can make a fair determination of whether the women he's gone through are "rough" or "diamonds". In the mean time, though, he's had a lot of affairs and probably broken a lot of hearts.

I can't cotton to that idea at all. To me, it feels like he's considers the women he dates as being disposable

But (playing devil's advocate) - What if I truly am in the wrong here? What if I'm supposed to treat the people that I plan on dating as disposable? I dunno'...in affairs of the heart, in giving my emotions over to someone, I find that very scary, even distasteful, indeed.

I've been seeing a personal trainer and exercising 5-6 days a week over the last few months and now the results are really starting to show.  I've lost 18 pounds in the last few months, for a total of 60 pounds since I was at my heaviest about 10 years ago.

It's time for new clothes.

Trouble is, I'm in that weird place where Lane Bryant is too fat and everything else is too thin.  I'm roughly a size 16/18 these days.

And, I have no idea what's fashionable now.  Two years ago, some friends took me shopping and I blew a lot of cash on camisoles and shrugs.  Now, no one seems to be wearing those these days.  Ah, fickle fashion.

So where does one go to get nice, dressy but casual, cool clothes that will stand the test of time (or the test of at least the next five or so fashion seasons) that one could wear when (*gasp*) going out on a date?

Which is *not* to say that I'm thinking of dating, because I'm not.  Though the thought has crossed my mind.  I'm not actively seeking, but I figure if something does happen, it would be nice to have something in the closet I can throw on for a nice dinner or a night out.

This morning, I watched Steve Jobs' keynote address, introducing the new iPhone.  The annoyance I feel that I just renewed my Verizon contract aside, I was wowed by how Apple really is revolutionizing not just the phone, but our culture as well.  I thought to myself, "Gee, it's like we're in Star Trek, with the little pads that can do everything and make a rockin' hot caramel apple cider to boot."  It really gave me hope for the future, that we live in a society where we can actually see dreams become reality.

About three minutes after finishing the keynote, I read about this article on Bush's upcoming announcement that he's going to take a major break from his military advisors and send even *more* troops to Iraq.

*thud*

(That would be the sound of my very optimistic mood making a crash landing.)

The last line in the article is most ironic - "Tonight, this source said, the president will explain 'that we have to go up before we go down.'"

You know, call me crazy, but "going down" isn't always necesarily a *good* thing.

My two great loves - Jake Shimabukuro on ukelele and The Carpenters!

I saw this posted on Brian's blog.  I find it amusing how this website refers to the figure in this card as a "dancer", when from what I can tell, she looks like Kuan Yin.  Can't read the characters on the left, but the bottle with water and the willow branch, plus the outfit and the lotus she's standing on are all indicators of Kuan Yin.

 

You are the World

Completion, Good Reward.

The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, and as such represents saturnian energies, time, and completion.

The World card pictures a dancer in a Yoni (sometimes made of laurel leaves). The Yoni symbolizes the great Mother, the cervix through which everything is born, and also the doorway to the next life after death. It is indicative of a complete circle. Everything is finally coming together, successfully and at last. You will get that Ph.D. you've been working for years to complete, graduate at long last, marry after a long engagement, or finish that huge project. This card is not for little ends, but for big ones, important ones, ones that come with well earned cheers and acknowledgements. Your hard work, knowledge, wisdom, patience, etc, will absolutely pay-off; you've done everything right.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

In the last few days, I have wondered if I display symptoms of borderline personality disorder.  I know that self-diagnosis is usually fruitless and that it's important to talk to a professional about this, which is something I'm considering.  But what I want to write about today is the interesting parallels between borderline personality, the treatment for borderline personality, and my Tao Practice.

First a definition from http://www.stanford.edu/~corelli/borderline.html.  Items in bold apply to me

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Diagnosis
A person with a borderline personality disorder often experiences a repetitive pattern of disorganization and instability in self-image, mood, behavior and close personal relationships. This can cause significant distress or impairment in friendships and work. A person with this disorder can often be bright and intelligent, and appear warm, friendly and competent. They sometimes can maintain this appearance for a number of years until their defense structure crumbles, usually around a stressful situation like the breakup of a romantic relationship or the death of a parent.

Symptoms
Relationships with others are intense but stormy and unstable with marked shifts of feelings and difficulties in maintaining intimate, close connections. The person may manipulate others and often has difficulty with trusting others. There is also emotional instability with marked and frequent shifts to an empty lonely depression or to irritability and anxiety. There may be unpredictable and impulsive behavior which might include excessive spending, promiscuity, gambling, drug or alcohol abuse, shoplifting, overeatingphysically self-damaging actions such as suicide gestures. The person may show inappropriate and intense anger or rage with temper tantrums, constant brooding and resentment, feelings of deprivation, and a loss of control or fear of loss of control over angry feelings. There are also identity disturbances with confusion and uncertainty about self-identity, sexuality, life goals and values, career choices, friendships. There is a deep-seated feeling that one is flawed, defective, damaged or bad in some way, with a tendency to go to extremes in thinking, feeling or behavior. Under extreme stress or in severe cases there can be brief psychotic episodes with loss of contact with reality or bizarre behavior or symptoms. Even in less severe instances, there is often significant disruption of relationships and work performance. The depression which accompanies this disorder can cause much suffering and can lead to serious suicide attempts.

Etiology
It is a common disorder with estimates running as high as 10-14% of the general population. The frequency in women is two to three times greater than men. This may be related to genetic or hormonal influences. An association between this disorder and severe cases of premenstrual tension has been postulated. Women commonly suffer from depression more often than men. The increased frequency of borderline disorders among women may also be a consequence of the greater incidence of incestuous experiences during their childhood. This is believed to occur ten times more often in women than in men, with estimates running to up to one-fourth of all women. This chronic or periodic victimization and sometimes brutalization can later result in impaired relationships and mistrust of men and excessive preoccupation with sexuality, sexual promiscuity, inhibitions, deep-seated depression and a seriously damaged self-image. There may be an innate predisposition to this disorder in some people. Because of this there may ensue subsequent failures in development in the relationship between mother and infant particularly during the separation and identity-forming phases of childhood.

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Another definition from http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bpd.cfm

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While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day. These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.

People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless. Suicide threats and attempts may occur along with anger at perceived abandonment and disappointments.

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There's an interesting correlation between the treatment options and what I experience as part of my Tao Practice.  From http://www.stanford.edu/~corelli/borderline.html :

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Treatment
Treatment includes psychotherapy which allows the patient to talk about both present difficulties and past experiences in the presence of an empathetic, accepting and non-judgemental therapist. The therapy needs to be structured, consistent and regular, with the patient encouraged to talk about his or her feelings rather than to discharge them in his or her usual self-defeating ways. Sometimes medications such as antidepressants, lithium carbonate, or antipsychotic medication are useful for certain patients or during certain times in the treatment of individual patients. Treatment of any alcohol or drug abuse problems is often mandatory if the therapy is to be able to continue. Brief hospitalization may sometimes be necessary during acutely stressful episodes or if suicide or other self-destructive behavior threatens to erupt. Hospitalization may provide a a temporary removal from external stress. Outpatient treatment is usually difficult and long-term - sometimes over a number of years. The goals of treatment could include increased self-awareness with greater impulse control and increased stability of relationships. A positive result would be in one's increased tolerance of anxiety. Therapy should help to alleviate psychotic or mood-disturbance symptoms and generally integrate the whole personality. With this increased awareness and capacity for self-observation and introspection, it is hoped the patient will be able to change the rigid patterns tragically set earlier in life and prevent the pattern from repeating itself in the next generational cycle.

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[On an unrelated note, I *really* wish the Zaadz editor allowed HTML code.]

I want to emphasize the idea of "change the rigid patterns tragically set earlier in life and prevent the pattern from repeating itself in the next generational cycle."  That's Karma management in a nut shell.  A core strength of the Tao Practice is that we're a community of people who are all helping each other as we each individually face our own karmic patterns by analyzing them and offering suggestions and support to break out of those karmic patterns.

Interesting that the tools of a spiritual practice could so closely mimic the way that therapy works.  This is not to say that the Tao Practice is a substitute for therapy, particularly since no one in the Practice has formal clinical training.  Additionally, no one has really built up the mental and energic tolerance to deal with the level of psychosis that goes on in my brain, nor would I ask anyone to develop that tolerance.

Food for thought.

Earlier in the week, I saw the movie "Lost in Translation" for the first time.  I heard many good things about the movie and was interested in watching it.  To be honest, though, I didn't really feel the same connection to the movie that others felt.  To briefly summarize, Bill Murray and Scarlett Johannsen's characters are Americans briefly staying in Japan.  Both feel lost in their individual situations and take comfort in getting to know each other over the course of a week.

For me to enjoy a movie, one of two things has to happen.  Either, it has to be visual escapism (something I've never seen before, as found in science fiction/fantasy or high visual special effects movie), or, I have to really connect with the characters.  If it's not eye candy, or if I don't connect with the characters, then it's not a fun experience for me.  Lost in Translation fails on both counts.

The question I asked myself over the last few days was, "Why don't I connect to this movie?"  Why is this movie so powerful for others but not for me?  And I think it's because while I do understand their experience, I don't share it.  Consequently, I have no sympathy for the characters.

I was asked if I was in the same situation, wouldn't I want the same things?  If I was in a foreign country with nothing to do, wouldn't it be of value to me to come across someone who is also in the same situation with me?  Wouldn't I long for, perhaps even crave a connection in that case?  And the answer is a resounding no.  For that reason, I don't connect to the movie.

Now, why wouldn't I want something like that?  I think it's because my experience, my values, my desires and needs are different from the people who enjoyed this movie.  I think it's interesting that the people I know who enjoyed this movie are all social butterflies.  They find it very easy to connect to new people that they meet within just a few moments of knowing them.  For me, I am not  a social butterfly, and it takes me weeks if not months to connect to someone. 

I can't speak for them, but I'm curious whether or not for people who are social butterflies, if perhaps the Fear of being alone and unable to connect to people is a powerful motivator.  Therefore, could it be entertaining or appealing to them to watch two lonely people meet and make a connection in the unlikeliest of places?  I can't say, because I can't claim to be in their heads.

For me, like I said, I can understand the situation that the characters were in, but from a different perspective.  I understand how isolated the characters feel, because I've felt isolated from my surrounding culture for my whole life.  I'm a first generation American.  I was raised in America by Filipino parents.  My "culture" is neither 100% American nor is it 100% Filipino.  While I was raised in an American suburban environment, it was with Filipino values.  I was also raised by older parents whose "youth" occurred during the 40's, not the 60's like most people my age.  In addition, for a good deal of my existence, there was no Filipino community in the DC area. That didn't happen until the last decade or so.   Because of this, I've never wanted to connect as fully to others as more homogenized people do.  For the characters, being connected feels like home to them, and being isolated is foreign.  For me, being isolated feels like home to me, and being connected is foreign.  Interesting....

I could go on about all the differences I have with people around me, but that's not the point of this blog.  The key value difference that relates to this movie, and has given me insight on a personal issue I've been working on, is how I deal with feeling isolated.  For the characters in the movie, it was comforting to them to find someone just like them.  They didn't feel as lonely anymore.  For me, because I've lived with being isolated for so long, I have accepted that isolation as a normal pattern of being for me.  So I do not hold the same level of value towards finding others like me, because I've lived for so long knowing that there is no one that's exactly like me out there.  Isolation is my normal state of being.  Being connected is what's foreign to me.

It's also not a comforting thought for me that there are other people who are in similar situations.  I know I'm not the only first generation American out there.  I know I'm not the only person who is a minority among minorities.  But if I were to come across someone who lived the same experience as I did, I probably wouldn't feel connected to them based on that alone.  I would talk to them, certainly, but it wouldn't matter to me how well they understood my cultural plight.  That's because regardless of my cultural plight, the overriding thought in my brain is still, "I am isolated, there is no one to connect with, and who needs connection anyway?  I've survived for decades without a large number of connections.  I can continue to survive without that."

Over the last two years as part of my Tao Practice, I've been on a search for my True Heart or that which is authentically me.  Part of that search has been trying to figure where my heart truly wants to be in terms of connecting to other people.  Does it want to be connected to others or does it not want to be connected?  Do I want lots of friends?  Do I want friends at all?  Does that make me happy and does that make me feel true to myself?

The jury is still out on that question.  There are so many ways in which being disconnected continues to appeal to me.  I have often asked myself, "Is that isolation my True Heart?"  People in my Tao Practice tell me that it's not my True Heart, but how can they know?  Their True Heart, their value system, is in many ways the opposite of mine.  So how can they dictate to me what I'm supposed to value and from what I'm supposed to get happiness from?  They can't do that.

As part of this quest to find my True Heart, one of the goals I've set for myself is to try and make new friends.  I've tried to go to places where there are others like me.  Right now, the way of doing that is to go to different Role Playing Game groups.  This is because the usual American social route of meeting people at bars and clubs has zero appeal to me.  While I've talked with people and have had a few laughs playing games, I still haven't connected to the people that I've played with.  I'm not sure if I ever will.  And that's because I don't value connection as highly as others do. 

It's simply not enough to put me in social situations to make connections.  I've taken many different classes over the years in areas that have interested me.  I don't talk to anyone I've met through a class any more.  Nor do I want to, frankly.  The same may hold true for the role playing games.  We'll game, but will we become friends?  Doubtful.

Now, the question is, is this a behavior that I should change?  Should I force myself to become friends with people simply for the sake of collecting more people in my circle of association?  I've been told that one of the benefits of having a wide circle of friends is that you'll never lack for things to do.  But that seems like a really awful reason to connect to people - "I am connecting with you because I am bored.  You are only useful to me when there is no one else around for me to connect to."  That just doesn't seem right to me.

It further doesn't seem right to me because that is the kind of treatment I've received from my social butterfly friends.  Often, they have been too busy trying to juggle all their other connections to spend time with me.  There have been periods when I've felt very neglected because I haven't had anyone to go out and do fun things with (because they're all off having fun with their myiad other friends and not inviting me along).  And when I do get to spend time with these friends, it's not as satisfying because the underlying thought in my mind becomes, "So how many more months will pass before I get to connect with them again?"

Of course, if I did have a large circle of friends,  I wouldn't miss the few friends I have now when they're too busy to spend time with me.  But at the same time, I would often end up neglecting and hurting many people in my large circle of friends because I wouldn't be able to give each one the attention they deserve.  I don't want to be like that.

See my dilemma?  This is why I have often said to myself that life was so much better when I was anti-social.  This question never came up when there weren't people in my life.  And because my mind wasn't so consumed with trying to figure out this puzzle, I had time and mental space to do other, more meaningful things.

Another friend (not in the Tao group) asked me a very important question last week - Why am I struggling so hard to maintain a connection to certain people who aren't willing or able to give me whatever it is I need from a connection?  That's a really good question.  Why am I trying so hard to fit in, in a place where so much tells me that I really don't belong?  Why am I dedicating so much mental space to something that's hurtful to me?  And not only is it hurtful to me, it's transient.  Many of those who have hurt me don't associate with me any more.  So what was the purpose of allowing them to hurt me for so long?  What was the point of knowing them in the first place?

That's another way in which I disconnect with Lost in Translation.  Both characters knew that the connection wasn't going to last very long.  And they chose to connect anyway.  I don't understand that.  What's the point of wasting energy in something that won't mean anything after the week's over, when there are so many other things you could do with your time that would be just as enjoyable and have a far more lasting impact?

Scarlett Johannsen's character travelled around the city and saw things that were utterly foreign to her.  For her, this enforced her feeling of isolation because of how different everything was and how she couldn't connect to it.  I'm the opposite of that.  For me, I would relish getting to see things I've never seen before.  I wouldn't feel trauma about being isolated (because my attitude is "I'm always isolated, what's the big deal?").  I wouldn't even think about how I'm alone.  My focus would be on, "Wow, cool, never seen that before!"

Ultimately, this whole Lost in Translation issue is about having different value sets.  It's totally cool to have different value sets, that's what makes us all unique.  The question I ask myself, and continue to ask myself, is how much of my value set am I supposed to be changing here?  How do I interface with my environment?  If I do change how I operate, what needs to change, and what's perfectly fine to keep?

I'm still confused on all those questions.

Nothing beats a Sunday drive through the Shenandoah Mountains in the Fall.

There are 2,922 days in eight years.

That's 70,128 hours

4207680 minutes

252460800 seconds.

Two hundred fifty million four hundred sixty thousand eight hundred seconds. How do you measure...argh, now I have "Rent" stuck in my brain.

In a few weeks, it will be the eight year anniversary of the last time I was loved by a man.  Eight years without love.  The first three were a cinch to go through.  I was so anti-human that the thought of interacting with living beings repulsed me. 

Five years since I got over that.  And for most of those years, I was still okay with the idea of not being with someone.

Now, it's really starting to get to me.  I suppose it was going to happen eventually.  Unless you have your brain removed, eventually the desire to be partnered kicks in.

I was happier when this didn't matter to me.  And yet, I don't want it to not matter.  Strange that I choose the pain of longing over the solace of a cold heart.

This past weekend was an amazing and powerful experience.  I learned so much about myself and my Tao Practice, and have identified a great amount of work that needs to get started. 

Project #1

The first "project" I will work on is making and cultivating connections.  This has always been something I've struggled with.  Part of the struggle is the culture of the DC area.  The first question anyone asks around here is, "So what do you do for a living?"  For the longest time, I just thought that's how *everyone* started a conversation.  Only recently have I realized that the question is really asking, "So what can you do for me?"  DC is all about the networking - people are only as valuable as the service they can provide to others.  Granted, service to others is a noble goal.  But I'm truly starting to see how that has evolved into something less than noble around here. 

An LA resident informed me that the standard icebreaker there is "So what's your story?" or "What are you into?"  This fascinates me...it's less about, "Exactly how valuable are you to me?" and more about, "So who are you as a person?"  I really like that as an ice breaker and am totally stealing it (sorry Cali peeps).

Project #2

Another "project" I want to start thinking about (because I have no idea how to actually make this a reality) is creating (or at least cultivating) community.  This is a more vague goal than the first because it goes on a number of levels.  At the most personal level, community could mean my circle of friends, and expanding that circle of friends.  At a broader level, community could mean creating new connections between new folks and my Tao Practice, or other affiliations I'm involved in such as roleplaying games or National Novel Writing Month.  I haven't really worked that out in my head yet, so that's on a "to be continued" status.

Project #3

The third project I want to work in is me.  Working on me is involved in all three projects, but this one is specifically related to losing weight (I'm 5'4" and weigh 200 pounds...yes, I have a real reason to lose weight, here).  I'm looking into hiring a personal trainer.  The university that I work at has a fitness center, and they have a whole staff of personal trainers whose fees are far less expensive than going outside, so I'm going to take advantage of that.  I was doing Curves for a while, and I've lost an average or 2-3 pounds a month doing that, but I think it's time to really step up the workout.

I'm also going to try to be more vegan (though not 100% yet because that's hard to do in this area).  I already don't drink milk because I'm lactose sensitive.  I'm not majorly addicted to eggs, though I'll eat one every other week or so just so I can get my B12.  I love cheese (my achilles heel), but I don't think I'd miss it if I didn't have it.  We'll see where that goes.

There are three major fronts I'm facing on this.  The first is lessening my reliance on prepackaged foods.  I need to be more vigilant about staying away from high fructose corn syrup and anything that says "partially hydrogenated".  I also know that the shorter (and more identifable) the ingredient list, the better.  But I'd love to hear other guidelines from the more nutritionally minded out there.

The second is lessening my reliance on eating out.  I'm making a new rule for myself - no eating at a restaurant unless I'm with other people.  Of course, if I'm experiencing a major starvation issue, I will grab a snack, but only just enough to tide me over until I can get home cooked food again (hmm...or, I could carry healthy snack foods with me).  This serves multiple purposes - One, it will cut my restaurant eating down tremendously; Two, it will require that I continue to foster connections with others (because if I really want to try that new restaurant that has yummy vegetarian food, I'm going to have to grab a bunch of people to do it); and Three, it will cut down my portion sizes hugely.  That is the worst thing about eating at a restaurant -  ridiculously huge portions.

The third major front is to increase my repertoire of vegetarian meals.  I don't want to focus so much on memorizing recipes, but rather, cooking techniques.  I want to learn how food works - the kinds of flavors that different ingredients add to meals, and how to balance flavors out.  In terms that my geeky side can understand, I don't want to be a script kiddie, but an actual hacker when it comes to food.